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We are a bunch of pissheads, who play punk with an attitude

The line up is :-
Beaker - Vocals and abuse
Mick - Bass and splif
Paul Enema - Guitar and cheap ale
Dave - Drums and Sexual perversions

Lowlife came about late in 1995, funnily enough as the result of some daft idea, myself and the Cat had, whilst pissed as a cunt one Saturday night. So we set about finding some other idiots who wanted to play the pubs round Bradford for the promise of free ale and maybe even £20 for a curry. First up was Stoney, he was a big bloke with a big gob and crap tattoos. He was playing guitar in a band called Mindfield, and despite what he's said since, they were Heavy "fucking" Metal!!!! He was up for it so all we needed now was a drummer. Stoney said the bassist in Mindfield could drum, and used to sing for old local punk band, Anti System. Also he was built like a brick shithouse, so Lowlife mark one was born:
Beaker - Vocals
Cat - Bass
Stoney - Guitar
Big Mick - Drums

We played once a blue moon when we could be arsed, and were a complete fucking racket and shambles (so nothings changed there). Then after the almighty total of 4 gigs in 15 months, Big Mick had a little run in with Her Majesty's finest, suffice to say, I haven't seen him to this day. So we needed a new drummer. Cat knew a lad in Wyke, Bradford who was into Dio, and Iron Maiden, but had a Misfits record and a lovely red drum kit. Before you could say, "Death to false metal", the new line up was:-
Beaker - Vocals
Cat - Bass
Stoney - Guitar
Howling Mad Metal Ing - Drums

So in April 1996 we did our first gig with that line up, supporting southern shandies, Peter and the Test Tube Babies, at Rio's in Bradford. From there we played here there and everywhere round the country, anywhere that would put us on, anyone who could put up with us. Then in May 1998, almost 3 years after we started, we released our first record, "Born on your knees", recorded and mixed in 10 hours, due to financial reasons and the fact that recording is boring as shit! Then in July 1998, Cat finally decided he'd had enough, couldn't be arsed or something, so he played his last gig supporting Agnostic Front, yet again at Rio's, Bradford. Stoney knew this punk bloke, who also used to be in Anti System. He had a shit load of dodgy videos, and decent weed, so voila a new bassist:-
Beaker - Vocals
Mick - Bass
Stoney - Guitar
Howling Mad Metal Ing - Drum

Well this line up lasted a grand total of 2 gigs, before Metal Ing decided that afternoon teas, croquet on the lawn and re-runs of the Bill were what he wanted to do. Our lass knew a bloke with a drum kit in Leeds. Just two problems, one he'd never been in a band before, and two he was from fucking Leeds! Anyway we went over to his lovely bachelor pad in the marvelous suburb of Leeds, known as Bramley. He gave us a couple of cans of ale, so he was in before you knew it. Bribes always work. So the line up now was:-
Beaker - Vocals
Mick - Bass
Stoney - Guitar
Dave - Drums

So his first gig was in September 1998, in Sheffield, supporting Link 80, and by his own admission he was fucking shite! But things got better and we carried on playing all over this lovely island of ours.
Then in May 1999, we went on our first trip abroad over to U.S, to annoy the tits off the yanks, supporting Murphys Law. Great food, shite beer, good women, say no more!
Since then, it's been more of the same, drinking, playing and annoying people shitless! Then in September 2000, the biggest gob shite in Lowlife, Stoney, decided he was off to live a life of sordid sexual acts up in the sunny climes of Darlington. Which meant that I (Beaker) had to get off my fat lazy arse and start doing some work.
I knew someone in a band from Leeds we played with a couple of times, called Lemon Enema, and knew they done nothing in months, so I lied to him telling him tales of endless cocaine fuelled orgies, that we had when playing rock 'n' roll meccas, like Ashton-Under-Lyme and he bought it. So on board comes another witless get, and the line up now is:-
Beaker - Vocals
Mick - Bass
Paul Enema - Guitar
Dave - Drums

To be continued............